In many ways and at various times I could be, and have been considered a nut, nuts and cracked; as in "he cracked up and went nuts!" I guess my own opinion isn't very different.
On a sunny afternoon under a grove of trees, as I was considering the majesty and glory of God, my attention was drawn to an acorn at my feet. This small fragile acorn seemed to speak of my identity before the almighty God. Although it was barely a speck in my own eye from any distance, I knew that it was a part of God's creation and had real significance. The shaded grove was formed by large oak trees which began as an acorn just like this one. Since it helped me visualize the immensity of God, I picked it up. At that moment, I wanted to concentrate on my place in relation to God so I kept the acorn with me.
Then I heard my name called. I stood and walked into the water to meet Perry. Perry is the teaching Pastor at Brookwood Church. (Sometimes, he acts a little nuts too, in public and on stage.) I had asked to be washed today. It was my baptism in fact. The thought and attitude that I hoped to be my reality was that I must decrease and Christ must increase. The washing part was very important to me. In fact, I was prayerfully seeking to allow God to give me this symbolic washing. As I accepted the symbolism of cleansing, I desperately prayed for the ability to see myself as I was.
My baptism was an effort to personalize the washing away of the old. I knew that God had long ago given me a new identity and that the dirty past I had was thrown away. I knew that God did not remember it and I had been forgiven. It was way past time for me to forgive myself and accept God's truth. I had a past but God saw me as a son with only a future.
That was just over a week ago. In that week, I have considered that with my eyes I could see an acorn, BUT GOD was already looking at the majestic oak tree, fully grown. Even more, I understood that the oak could only grow after the acorn "cracked up." It is true that I'm a little nuts; well definitely depressed. I take prescription drugs that help me function better. I want to finish the grief process; the grief that comes from knowing who I have been. I want to grow beyond the memories of pain and suffering I have seen in my loved ones eyes.
Perhaps it is time for me to accept that only cracked nuts can grow into oaks; only broken hearts can fully grasp the love of God. Besides, God has known eternally the exact cracks and breaks he would use to grow a new shady grove with little acorns and some water where pasts are washed away. Cracked, nuts, ......I was! .........A mighty oak, an adopted son,....... I am. God spoke! My faith must see the truth despite my circumstance.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, oh God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17